I am only concerned about the dreams in the sense of the need for REM. What I really want is to be able to close my eyes and not be completely awake. Sometimes I lay there only to realize that not only am I awake but my eyes are wide open and staring at the ceiling. It's weird, that would seem that I am sleeping with my eyes open but it's something else.
I remain jealous of those who can sleep. I have been taking Valerian root this week but because I have to be up at 5:15 instead of 8:30 like usual I thought just taking my lorazepam and going to bed at 9:30 would be enough. Silly me. If I take the other stuff (Lunesta for example) I always risk over sleeping or having that medicated hang over.
I am tired and I think have managed to give myself these stomach pains from stress. Stressing myself into pain - I am a clever girl. :)
I also have developed I-Don't-Wanna-Go-To-Work sickness. It's the cold and flu that I've been fighting and have technically (sans that cold periodically) won. But lo and behold when do I feel it? When I know I have to wake up early and go to a job I don't exactly love.
But what should I be saying to myself: I liked it the last time, it is a well paying part time gig that is interesting and great for my experience. It helps me define what I belong doing. Or something in proper english.
I had a friend who used to tell me: Tell yourself you love it. Lie to yourself enough and eventually even you'll believe it.
I want to go to work.
I want to wake up at 5am.
I love work.
It is fun not boring.
I want to move.
I love packing - it is a chance to minimize my belongings.
I want to do all 11+ projects I have in the next 3 (2.5?)weeks.
I love the challenge.
I can BEAT INSOMNIA!!
So I'm GOING TO THE MATTRESSES! Literally and figuratively.
10 months ago