Thursday, October 30, 2008

To sleep perchance to dream . . .

I am only concerned about the dreams in the sense of the need for REM. What I really want is to be able to close my eyes and not be completely awake. Sometimes I lay there only to realize that not only am I awake but my eyes are wide open and staring at the ceiling. It's weird, that would seem that I am sleeping with my eyes open but it's something else.

I remain jealous of those who can sleep. I have been taking Valerian root this week but because I have to be up at 5:15 instead of 8:30 like usual I thought just taking my lorazepam and going to bed at 9:30 would be enough. Silly me. If I take the other stuff (Lunesta for example) I always risk over sleeping or having that medicated hang over.

I am tired and I think have managed to give myself these stomach pains from stress. Stressing myself into pain - I am a clever girl. :)

I also have developed I-Don't-Wanna-Go-To-Work sickness. It's the cold and flu that I've been fighting and have technically (sans that cold periodically) won. But lo and behold when do I feel it? When I know I have to wake up early and go to a job I don't exactly love.

But what should I be saying to myself: I liked it the last time, it is a well paying part time gig that is interesting and great for my experience. It helps me define what I belong doing. Or something in proper english.

I had a friend who used to tell me: Tell yourself you love it. Lie to yourself enough and eventually even you'll believe it.

Here goes:
I want to go to work.
I want to wake up at 5am.
I love work.
It is fun not boring.
I want to move.
I love packing - it is a chance to minimize my belongings.
I want to do all 11+ projects I have in the next 3 (2.5?)weeks.
I love the challenge.

So I'm GOING TO THE MATTRESSES! Literally and figuratively.


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About Me

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Portland, OR, United States
I am a daughter, sister, friend, wife, counselor and colleague. I am a work in progress. There may be some pieces out of place and things might be messy, but it's okay. I would rather accept that I am still unfinished than think that this is it. You can find my comments on faith and spirituality on my blog: And my comments and anecdotes on life at:

Books That Matter. Well, some of the many that matter.

  • Magical Shrinking: Stumbling Through Bipolar Disorder, Chris Wells
  • Pride & Prejudice, Jane Austen
  • An Abudance of Katherines, John Green
  • Dave Pelzer
  • Franny & Zooey, J.D. Salinger
  • I Was Told There'd Be Cake, Sloane Crosley
  • The Cloister Walk, Kathleen Norris
  • The Developing Mind: How Relationships and the Brain Interact to Shape Who We Are, Daniel J. Siegel