Tuesday, September 28, 2010

"too much" but not "overwhelmed" (09/2010)

As he left today my supervisor asked if I felt overwhelmed. I said no, that I had in the morning but that I felt better now. Which was true, but that is different than feeling okay. How do I verbalize that it isn't that I feel overwhelmed, rather, I feel disappointed. I'm disappointed in myself, in my inability to do what I should be able to do. In my frustration. In my desire to cry after things go wrong. In how apathetic or boring I must seem because I don't express emotion or response. How inadequate I feel and not to mention the part of me that is comparing myself to other-intern who I feel is probably perfect and bubbly.

Some days I just feel like I'm not good enough. Like I made a bad choice. A mistake. A really, really expensive mistake.

2 comments:

Chris said...

I really don't think you made a mistake. And dude, the comparing yourself to the other intern is a bad path! That's what happened between Rachel and I at ACDHS and it made things crappy for a few months. Maybe more than a few. It's good that we ended up friends, though.

I wish there were something I could say that would help, but I don't think there is. You'll work it out, and it'll either get better or suck until it ends. I'm hopeful that it'll get better!

I hear what you're saying. It would probably be better to feel overwhelmed than that you aren't doing a good job. Try not to be disappointed with yourself. You're new at this whole school counseling thing! Cut yourself a little more slack.

Peeling Orange said...

The mistakes we make build our fate:)

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Portland, OR, United States
I am a daughter, sister, friend, wife, counselor and colleague. I am a work in progress. There may be some pieces out of place and things might be messy, but it's okay. I would rather accept that I am still unfinished than think that this is it. You can find my comments on faith and spirituality on my blog: http://themessinessoffaith.blogspot.com/ And my comments and anecdotes on life at: http://sheisaworkinprogress.blogspot.com/

Books That Matter. Well, some of the many that matter.

  • Magical Shrinking: Stumbling Through Bipolar Disorder, Chris Wells
  • Pride & Prejudice, Jane Austen
  • An Abudance of Katherines, John Green
  • Dave Pelzer
  • Franny & Zooey, J.D. Salinger
  • I Was Told There'd Be Cake, Sloane Crosley
  • The Cloister Walk, Kathleen Norris
  • The Developing Mind: How Relationships and the Brain Interact to Shape Who We Are, Daniel J. Siegel